A Nurse’s Survival Guide to Holiday Gift Shopping

A Nurse’s Survival Guide to Holiday Gift Shopping

1. Shop online.
2. If you must go out to the stores, do it on a Wednesday, at 2 p.m. Most likely the older folks are off to dinner and the parents are picking the kids up from school.
3. Delegate. As much as possible. Then if it doesn’t get done, you get to blame the four year old that to whom you delegated buying the Christmas tree.
4. Get a prescription for Ativan, and use it, just in case you have to go shopping on any other day and time than Wednesday at 2 pm.
5. Bring back the “Your present is in the mail” line. Then when it doesn’t get there, blame it on the post office person. Blame it on the economy. Or like Milli Vanilli, blame it on the rain.
6. Give everyone you know a Fruit cake. Tell them its really expensive, vintage fruit cake.
7. Carry a flask of something alcoholic in your bag or pocket. Use if you have to go shopping on any other day and time than Wednesday at 2 p.m.
8. Get everyone on your list gift cards from the supermarket. Shopping can be done in less than twenty minutes.
9. Take an Ativan and a swig of your flask, in case you have to go shopping on any other day and time than Wednesday at 2 p.m.
10. The best way to survive the holiday gift shopping is…schedule yourself to work. Depending on your family, 12 hours dealing with Code Browns and Hard Restraints may be the most relaxing thing you’ve done all year.